The Savvy Guest: Hostess Gift Etiquette
What to give and when to give a hostess gift is such a hot topic, especially now during the holiday season. This is one of those subjects that tend to stump invitees and I get asked about it quite often. The quick and easy answer is yes, you should definitely bring a hostess gift if you're attending a cocktail or dinner party, also if you're a house guest. It's just simple gratitude.
Is it a no-no if you don't give a gift? Not exactly, however it just isn't proper (channeling my inner Emily Post as I sip earl grey tea, pinkies up).
Here are some easy tips to keep in mind when deciding on what to give as a hostess gift:
Cocktail Party:
A bottle of wine or wine/bar accessory is a great and appropriate hostess gift for the cocktail party hostess. Additional small tokens of appreciation could be coasters, seasonal holiday gift (ornament or packaged candy) or flowers already in vase.
Dinner Party:
The same rules apply as the cocktail party...just DO NOT bring a dish of food...this is a big no-no. The host already has a menu planned and your dish may not fit in. Packaged food gifts are fine as long as the hostess does not feel obligated to serve it at the party. For example, if you bring a delicious bag of blueberry scones from Amy's Bread and box of Aveda tea (hint, hint) a simple note that states "You cooked an amazing dinner tonight, wake up to a delicious morning tomorrow" lets the host know that you appreciate them and that this gift of food is for her to enjoy at a later time.
House Guest:
This should be an obvious one. If someone is opening up their home to you, a hostess gift is a must.
For weekend stays, a bottle of wine, fine soap/toiletries, a plant in vase or thoughtful book are great choices.
For longer stays, a restaurant gift card, houseware item that matches their decor or tickets to a popular event are excellent options. Keep in mind that you are saving hundreds of dollars by not staying at a hotel, the least you can do is use a bit of that savings to show your gratitude.
Other situations:
*Should I send a hostess gift if I can not attend the event?
-No, but please be courteous and inform the host that you will not be attending.
*When should I give the hostess their gift, when I arrive or before I leave?
-For dinner and cocktail parties, upon arrival is the best time. One exception to the rule would be for large scale dinner parties. A thank you card or gift that is mailed the day after the event is sufficient.
For houseguests, it's more meaningful to give the gift at the end of your stay, especially for longer stays so you're able to gauge what they may need.
Remember the purpose of a hostess gift is to let the host know that you appreciate them for inviting your to their event. Be sure to be thoughtful, imaginative and unique in your gift giving approach...the host will so appreciate it...I know I do!
